Thank You 2020 (& A 1 Year Hiatus From Blogging Comeback !!!) You’re Welcome 😇

So randomly I decided to look at my website tonight (mind you, it’s 3 AM while I’m writing this) and realized its almost been A WHOLE YEAR since I wrote/posted anything on here. Honestly, wild. I’ve still been writing, and vlogging, and tiktoking, and all of that fun creative stuff. But writing to me will…

ok so december 2018 was the worst month of my life

I write about everything personal I go through, for some reason I just feel like it helps me to process it and deal with it in a way. A year ago I overdosed twice and ended up in the hospital, and I wrote a lot of poetry during that time of my life. Here are…

appearances mean shit

Okay so I was just editing / uploading a vlog I made earlier today on my basic everyday makeup routine when I realized A) it takes so long to export a vlog from imovie to theater on an apple comuter and B) I haven’t really made a vlog in a while. So I was rewatching…

dependency on self-destruction

In one hand you hold a bright blue pill, “to make you focus” but really to wake you up. In the other, you hold a white one, “to make you relax” but also to make you sleep. Close your eyes, close your eyes, combine the pills into one hand, and without looking, pop one in…

i wanted to wake up

The morning after I killed myself, my daughter woke up crying, alone in a bed that she’d spent every night of her life in with me. She didn’t understand why her mama wasn’t laying next to her. She cried and cried until someone heard. The morning after I killed myself, my mom found my body,…

recovery & sober inc.

I wrote a post on my blog about a year or so ago about being in recovery. (Click Here to read it now if you haven’t). The question I was exploring while writing that blog post was this one: “who are you without your addictions, illnesses and disorders?” If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you…

this november

November has always been a difficult month for me. It means the holidays that have kinda made me nervous and freaked out are coming up (and soon). It means being cold constantly. It means feeling lonely and depressed (thanks Seasonal Affective Disorder) and a little lost. November has always made me want to hide away…

how to help someone you love that has an eating disorder

If you’ve never suffered from an eating disorder it can be hard to know how to help someone that you love that has one, or is in recovery from one. Sometimes, the things you say and the way you act towards them can make a huge difference. Don’t talk about what they’re eating/not eating. You…

what i want in this life for us (me & you)

I want to wake up next to you every morning, Kiss your lips before I open my eyes.  I want you to be as happy as you possibly can be, And when you’re not, I want to help you fix that.  I want you to challenge me, tell me when I’m wrong, And never let…

the most deadly addiction is yours

Not all addictions kill you, and not all send you to rehab, either. Sometimes you can live with an addiction for your entire life, if you’re good at keeping it hidden away where no on else can notice it. These dormant addictions are still dangerous, even if they are undetectable. They can suddenly spiral out…

recovery vs relapse

“How did you stop?” I looked at her quizzically, questioning her vagueness. “You know, stop starving yourself. Stop thinking about it. Stop worrying about it constantly.” The truth is you never stop, not completely. You might stop starving yourself, but the worry is there, always. Gaining weight isn’t as bad as dying, though, I say…

changing perspectives

Exactly one year ago I was getting on a plane to go to Florida for the weekend, and today I am currently on a plane flying home. It’s so crazy to think about life this way; a year and everything is so different, yet so much the same. The world looks so tiny from up…