Thank You 2020 (& A 1 Year Hiatus From Blogging Comeback !!!) You’re Welcome 😇

So randomly I decided to look at my website tonight (mind you, it’s 3 AM while I’m writing this) and realized its almost been A WHOLE YEAR since I wrote/posted anything on here. Honestly, wild. I’ve still been writing, and vlogging, and tiktoking, and all of that fun creative stuff. But writing to me will…

before i had you

Before I had you, I was always on the go. I was constantly going somewhere, doing something, never stopping to eat lunch or drink water.Before I had you, I left my house with my phone, my keys and sometimes a sweatshirt, if I remembered one. I never lugged around a purse because I felt like…

let me re-introduce myself

I’ve had this blog for almost four years now (I know, WTF?! So crazy, time flies) and I feel like some of the posts I wrote in the beginning are so unfamiliar to me now that it’s almost like a completely different person wrote them. I mean, a lot about me has stayed the same,…

ok so december 2018 was the worst month of my life

I write about everything personal I go through, for some reason I just feel like it helps me to process it and deal with it in a way. A year ago I overdosed twice and ended up in the hospital, and I wrote a lot of poetry during that time of my life. Here are…

appearances mean shit

Okay so I was just editing / uploading a vlog I made earlier today on my basic everyday makeup routine when I realized A) it takes so long to export a vlog from imovie to theater on an apple comuter and B) I haven’t really made a vlog in a while. So I was rewatching…

Come As You Are: National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2019

Every year, NEDA dedicates one week at the end of February/beginning of March to raise awareness of eating disorders and encourage people to share their struggles with them. This year, National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is from February 25th to March 3rd. The theme of 2019’s NEDA week is Come As You Are, meaning that…

butterfly effect

I was running late on my way to work (cause what else is new) and I forgot my cell phone at home. I turned around, drove home to get it, and skipped getting my usual iced coffee so I would still be on time for work. Later that day I saw on the news there…

dependency on self-destruction

In one hand you hold a bright blue pill, “to make you focus” but really to wake you up. In the other, you hold a white one, “to make you relax” but also to make you sleep. Close your eyes, close your eyes, combine the pills into one hand, and without looking, pop one in…

i wanted to wake up

The morning after I killed myself, my daughter woke up crying, alone in a bed that she’d spent every night of her life in with me. She didn’t understand why her mama wasn’t laying next to her. She cried and cried until someone heard. The morning after I killed myself, my mom found my body,…

looking backwards (aka some random tuesday ramblings)

Here is the best way I’ve learned in my 22  years to deal with pain, heartbreak and disappointment: writing. Ok, so usually when I’m upset, I don’t go directly to writing. It’s a process, and like everything else in life, it takes time. So when I’m upset, I usually start with the uncontrollable: crying. I…

7 symptoms of pregnancy i ignored

As I’ve probably mentioned before, I do a pretty good job of procrastinating everything and ignoring/avoiding things. In this case, I ignored every/any symptom of being pregnant that I had for five months. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, five months!? How the hell could someone not know they’re pregnant for five months? Well,…

head vs heart

Sometimes you have to make a decision, and neither one of them is really the right choice, each option has positives and negatives but neither one completely outweighs the other. This is a lot more difficult than decisions that are black and white, or even ones that are dark grey and light grey (AKA one…